


From Another Time, From Another Life

by quilledcorsair



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Captain Swan Little Bang 2018, Future Fic, Mamma Jones AU, cs angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 09:39:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13656360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quilledcorsair/pseuds/quilledcorsair
Summary: It's been five years of blissful marriage for Emma and Killian, and they are ready to begin a new chapter in their lives. But little do they know that their family was about to get much bigger, just not in the way they imagined. A Mama Jones AU!





	From Another Time, From Another Life

Killian Jones remembered very few things about his mother, Alice Jones. He remembered that her sweet, soft voice soothed him to sleep on the darkest and stormiest of nights, but he couldn’t remember what it sounded like exactly. He remembered that her eyes shone with kindness and love, but not even his own could compare to hers – like sapphires, his father had once said. He remembered that her laughter was loud, but he could hardly remember its cadence. His memories of her are so obscure, like old, faded paper with hardly discernible text. But the memory of her disappearance is practically etched into his mind - he couldn’t forget it if he wanted to.

He remembered that it was storming that night, as it was bound to near the coast. He had been huddled next to Liam, trembling and unable to sleep, holding on to his brother’s hand and mumbling the short prayer his mother had taught him, hoping it would help. He couldn’t remember if Liam had been awake though, not until the door banged open and startled both the Jones boys. He remembered calling out to his mother, crying for her as the storm raged on. But she had never come - their father had come home the next day, but he had not seen Mother either. She had just disappeared; some people had speculated that she had been kidnapped. Some had even claimed to see her off with another man, headed into the woods. And worst of all, the most painful of all, was the possibility that she had awaited her husband’s return at the docks and simply fallen in the treacherous waters.

They had buried an empty casket a fortnight later, and he remembered clutching Liam’s hand tight.

-/-

Emma woke up to a soft ticklish sensation running up and down her arm, her nose scrunching as she blinked the sleep from her eyes. She turned toward her husband, dislodging his fingers from her arm in the process.

“‘S too early,” she grumbled into his bare chest, throwing her arm and leg around his torso, hugging him like a body pillow.

Killian chuckled at his wife, looking down at her with equal parts adoration and amusement. “Love, it’s almost 10. Not the crack of dawn.”

He felt her take a deep breath before she spoke. “Babe, you need to grasp the concept of Sundays. It means you lie in bed, regret drinking too much at girls’ night the previous night because you aren’t twenty anymore and stay in bed with your hot-as-all-hell husband. All. Day. Long.”

He raised his eyebrow at her, smirking devilishly. “Hot as all hell, love?”

Emma rolled her eyes, swatting at him before snuggling again. “I’m deliriously tired from being woken at this ungodly hour. Wouldn’t stroke that inflated ego of yours otherwise.”

“Well, there are other things you could str-” he began, but his wife has pushed him off the bed at that point. He stared up at her in disbelief. “Did you just push me off the bed?”

“Yup. Since you are so intent on being awake so early on a freaking Sunday, maybe you should go make breakfast for your wife.”

“Want me to bring it to you in bed, while I’m at it,  _ darling _ ?” he mocked, getting off the floor and grabbing a t-shirt from his drawer.

“That actually sounds nice. You haven’t done that in a while.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “Are you slacking on me, Jones? Where’s the romance?”

He chuckled, pulling his shirt over his head quickly before sauntering over to her, leaning down on the bed and capturing her lips in a breath-stealing kiss.

Emma kept her eyes closed for a moment longer after the kiss ended, a small smile gracing her face.

“I will never slack on you, Emma Swan,” Killian promised, pressing a sweet kiss to her cheek. “How do pancakes sound?” 

“Heavenly,” she breathed out, already drifting back to sleep.

-/-

Breakfast finished and dishes put away for the time being, Killian lounged back on the bed next to his wife. “I still think I should at least soak the dishes, Swan.” 

Emma rolled her eyes. “When did our lives get so...domestic?” she asked, frowning slightly.

“Why does that frustrate you, Swan?” he asked, fingers reaching over to smooth the wrinkles on her forehead.

She huffed softly, trying to put into words the jumble of feelings in her chest. “While I’m happy that we all have our happy endings and that we don’t constantly have to worry about one of us getting hurt - or worse… With Henry gone, I feel so off-kilter, you know what I mean?” She turned to Killian, already knowing that he would agree with her. He was the other half of her heart, if anyone understood her perfectly, it would be her husband.

Killian shifted until they were both facing each other, his fingers reaching to tuck her hair behind her ear, a soft sadness in his expression. “Aye, I know what you mean, love. It’s hard to relax and accept that this is our life.”

Emma smiled at him. “You get me so well sometimes.” She snuggled into him, tucking her head under his chin. “Maybe it’s time we stop trying to fight this and settle into it?”

“Well, you did already call us domestic. How much more settled do you want to get, Swan?” He chuckled, running a comforting hand down her back.

Emma bit her lip, hesitating. The thought had been on the back of her for a really long time, even before they’d defeated the Black Fairy. Even before they’d decided to get married. But between all the crises and Henry leaving and adjusting to life without having her kid around - she kept putting off voicing this to her husband. But maybe it was time to talk about expanding what they have. “Have you ever thought about having a kid?” she asked. And the moment she said the words, he froze.

And then the doorbell rang.

-/-

Killian pulled back, staring at his wife, wide-eyes and gaping mouth, trying and failing to form words. His mind was blanking. “W-what?” he managed to choke out. “Did you just-”

“Yeah. I was thinking-” but she was interrupted by the doorbell ringing again. “Maybe we should get that first.”

“Hold on, hold on. Did you just say what I think you did?” He was staring at her in earnest, a watery grin breaking out.

“I-Dammit,” she cursed when the doorbell went off again. “Who the hell is that?” she cried, throwing her hands up in the air.

“I’m going to kick whoever that is to the curb, and then,” Killian paused, squeezing Emma’s hand. “Then, we are continuing this conversation. Aye?”

She nodded, biting her lip to hide her nerves. She waited for two minutes before she grumbled, too restless to wait for her husband to return. Making her way down the stairs, she called out to Killian. “Who was it? Please don’t tell me it was Leroy making a house call.” When he didn’t respond, she went to check out who their guest was for herself.

“Killian?” She placed her hand on his shoulder, startling him. He turned away from the brunette standing at the door to face her, pale as a ghost and with a haunted expression on his face. Feeling an odd ache in her chest seeing her husband clearly distressed, she turned to the woman standing at the porch, looking to be in her late 30s. “Can I help you?” she asked, stepping in front of Killian, arms crossed and shoulders tight.

“Swan-” he tried, but the woman in front of her cut him off.

“My name is Alice. Alice Jones.”

Emma raised her eyebrows in perplexion, hoping her husband would fill her in, but he still remained motionless.

“I’m sorry,  _ Jones _ ? Are you-”

“She’s my mother,” Killian finally spoke.

-/-

Alice, Killian, and Emma were seated around the kitchen table and Emma couldn’t help but think of the time in the Underworld when it was Liam instead of Alice. Neither mother nor son had said a word since Emma had invited Alice into their home. She sighed, reaching over to grab Killian’s balled-up fist. He visibly relaxed at her touch, almost looking like it had woken him up from a trance.

“You- How are you alive, mum?” he asked, his voice rough and shaky. “You...disappeared. We buried an empty casket. It’s been  _ centuries _ .”

Alice struggled to find the words, mouth opening and closing before she sighed heavily. “I don’t know where to start, Killian. It’s a long story.” 

“Maybe at the beginning would be best,” Killian responded curtly.

Emma saw Alice flinch at Killian’s tone, making her squeeze her husband’s hand. “Killian,” she chastised softly.

“No, it’s fine, dear. He has every right to be angry at me.” Alice sat up straighter. “I just - I am so sorry, Killian. I haven’t seen you in so long.” She almost reached for her son’s arm before realising what she was doing and forcing herself to stop. “You’re-you’re a grown man. I didn’t expect to miss it all.”

“You’re not making any sense, mum.  _ How are you here _ ?” Emma could hear the pain in Killian’s voice, sounding like a lost little boy in that moment.

“I was in the Land of Untold Stories all these years, and I came when Hyde brought us here.”

Killian’s eyes widened, his chest tight with hurt. “That was years ago,” he breathed out. “You  _ knew _ all this while that I was here, that I was alive - and you never reached out until now?”

“I know, I know. I just could not bring myself to approach you. I was- I was too much of a coward,” she admitted, glancing away from his intense gaze.

His jaw clenched, thumb rubbing up and down his knuckles. “Why are you here now, then?”

“Killian!” Emma reprimanded him, hitting his arm lightly. “Come on. She’s trying.”

“Killian, if you would just let me explain, darling. Please.”

“What could you possibly say, mum?” he cried, finally allowing his carefully contained sorrow out. “We thought you died. You have no idea what Liam and I went through. We were alone for so long.”

Alice bit her lip, trying to keep her tears at bay. “I did what I thought was best for you boys.”

“How? How was abandoning us good? I thought you were ill, mum. I thought you were dying!”

“I was! I was dying, Killian. I just couldn’t put you boys through that and I wanted to do something, anything! I had to-”

“You had to stay, and you didn’t, mum. I just- I love you, and missed you for a long time. Built up this idea of you in my head. But you’re alive, and you’ve known that I was here and alive for years. You are  _ just _ deciding to reach out? What could I possibly say to that? That I forgive you? That it’s okay?”

“No, I don’t expect that. Nor do I want it,” Alice responded. She had her hands clasped tightly in front of her, her jaw clenching in frustration.

“Then what do you want?” Killian was staring at her hard, nothing giving away the pain he felt on the inside. Every part of him had wanted to embrace his mother the moment he’d laid eyes on her. But he couldn’t bring himself to. When he had realised that she’d left them - not died, but  _ chose _ to leave them behind - his mind was made up: he wouldn’t forgive her. It may seem petty, or stubborn, or perhaps even unreasonable, but he was tired of his once-precious memories of his family, for her being tainted by whatever explanation she would inevitably spout.

“I want to get to know my son,” Alice responded finally. “I want to  _ earn _ your forgiveness. I want to be a part of your life now.”

Killian’s whole body was taut from tension, and when she said those words, he had physically force himself to stay seated and remain calm. “I’m sorry, but I don’t know if I am ready for that.”

The entire room fell silent at that, Alice looking like someone had reached into her chest and crushed her heart. “I am here now, son. Please.”

Killian simply stared blankly at her, breathing deeply. For a moment, Emma thought he would relent, not able to understand why her husband was being so cold to his mother. She knew how much he loved her, how highly he spoke of her before. For Killian to treat Alice with such contempt rubbed Emma wrong. But Killian proved her wrong, wordlessly getting up and walking away, leaving the two women alone in the kitchen.

Emma was struck speechless by his behaviour, watching as he retreated up the stairs. After a moment of awkward silence, she turned to a stunned Alice Jones, heartbreak apparent on the woman’s face. “I’m so sorry about Killian. He’s-He’s just overwhelmed, I guess.”

“You do not need to apologise, my dear. I should have come sooner. Well, if I’m being honest, I never should have left my boys in the first place.” Alice looked resigned, her centuries starkly visible despite how young she physically looked. “I am sorry for the trouble I have caused, Emma,” she said, rising up from her chair.

“Oh, no, no. You didn’t cause trouble, Mrs. Jones.” Emma got up as well, hoping to stop Alice from leaving. “You can stay. I’ll go talk to Killian.”

“Please, call me Alice, dear. As for Killian...well, I did not expect him to accept me immediately.” She cleared her throat, lifting her chin up. “I will take my leave now, Emma.” She handed Emma a piece of paper, saying, “In case something changes, this is my address.”

“He will come around, Alice,” Emma promised, taking the note from her.

Alice smiled softly at Emma, the corners of her eyes crinkling like Killian’s does. “He is a very lucky man to have you, dear.”

Emma could do nothing but smile politely, watching the mother of the man she loved walk away.

-/-

Killian prided himself on having better control over his emotions these past few years, not allowing them to dictate his actions. If he were being honest, the moment he’d laid his eyes on her, apart from disbelief, all he felt was a surge of love one could only feel after having spent years miserable and missing their mother. He wanted to just walk into her arms. But then he saw the remorse on her face, and he just knew. He knew it had to be something bad, and he steeled himself for disappointment. So much so that all he felt was hostility and an unwillingness to even  _ try _ and listen to his mother’s excuses - because that’s what they were going to be, excuses. At the end of the day, what mattered was that she’d left them. Just like their father.

“Killian?” Emma called out, the soft cadence of her voice bringing him out of his tumultuous thoughts.

He sighed, looking up at her from his spot behind the big oak desk. He had been sitting in the room Emma had deigned to be his office, claiming that as much as she loved him and wanted him to have his things in their home, he had far too much and she was constantly tripping over them. And so, a couple of years ago, she cleared out the second floor room they’d been using for storage, telling him to turn it into an office space of sorts - a place of his own in their house. Over the past few years, that was exactly what it had become - his own space, somewhere he could come to during moments of doubt or crisis or just to be alone - it helped that he had a wonderful view of the sea from there.

“Baby, are you okay?” Emma asked him, walking around the desk and perching on top it.

Killian huffed, smiling tightly up at her. “Right as rain, m’dear.”

Emma pursed her lips, knowing that he was trying to put his walls up and keep her out of whatever angst-ridden place he’s shoved himself into. “Killian, stop it. We don’t do this, remember? We talk, and right now, you need to let go of all that anger you’ve been hiding behind and tell me what the real problem is.”

His jaw clenched and he looked away from her, stubbornly refusing to answer her. After a moment of waiting for him to relent, Emma sighed, grabbing the arms of his rolling chair and pulling it forward so that his chest was resting against her knees. “I know it was hard, seeing your mom and knowing that she’s been alive all this while. I know you’re overwhelmed and upset and a whole slew of other things. But she’s  _ alive _ , Killian. Isn’t that what is important? She’s here now, and maybe you can get to know her and build a relationship. I mean, if I was able to, why can’t you?”

“Because neither of your parents left you willingly, Swan. Don’t you see it? They both left me and my brother without a second thought.” Killian’s voice was strained, almost as if he was at the edge of a precipice - one small nudge and he would fall and drown in an ocean of his own sorrow.

“You don’t know if that’s what she did, Killian. Maybe you should hear her out  _ before _ you punish her,” Emma suggested softly. When he still refused to look at her, she cradled his face in her hands, thumbs grazing his cheekbones soothingly. “I’m not one for the speeches like you, but you’ve got such a big heart, Jones. You act all tough, like nothing affects you anymore, but you’re just as much an open book to me as I am to you. You’re hurting and I get that, I do. But you also want to get to know her; you want to forgive her and bond and do all that mother-son stuff. You want to - and yet, you’re holding yourself back because you want to protect your heart.”

He finally looked up at her, biting the inside of his cheek, eyes glassy with unshed tears. “If she really wanted to come back, she would have found a way. If she really did love us, love me, as much as she claimed to, it shouldn’t have taken her this long to reach out.”

“Killian, unless you hear her side of the story, you will never know why she didn’t come to you sooner. Now, I’ll support whatever decision you make, but if you want my two cents worth...I think you should talk to her, hear her out.”

He let out a shuddering breath, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against hers. “And if I don’t like what she has to say?”

“Well, at least you’ll know, right?”

-/-

Alice Jones leaned heavily against the door to her apartment, her chest tight and heavy with pain. She had expected a lot things to happen today, knowing that she had taken far too long to go see her son. But coming to this world and chancing upon this man at Granny’s establishment that first day, seeing someone so remarkably like Brennan had thrown her off-kilter. She’d practically run out the door, not wanting to ever see that man again. But that was before she had found out who he was - Killian Jones, a one-handed pirate-turned-hero. The man who looked eerily like the father of her children, who shared a name with her youngest - that could be no coincidence. And it was from the sidelines that Alice started knowing more about her son. 

It had almost felt like she was cheating, getting to know all these bits and pieces about her son without him knowing that she was even alive. She felt the guilt eat her up, so much so that some days she could hardly breathe; but other days, she had a feeling her barging into his life would only shatter whatever happiness he had. And so she hid, and she watched - watched as he became a deputy to this little town, watched him around town with that lady of his, be a father to the lad she’d discovered wasn’t his own. She watched him grow in the past few years, and she mourned for all the years she missed of him growing into this man.

When she’d first realised centuries, not decades, had passed since she’d been separated, she never imagined she would ever see any of her boys again. She’d resigned herself to a life without ever redeeming her mistake. Which was why finding Killian felt like both a blessing and not; she sacrificed time with her boys for her own selfish gain. No matter how much she had tried to justify it, she did abandon them. Killian’s words only served to dig the knife deeper. If she had known she wouldn’t have been able to return, she would never have left them. But she was scared of exposing them to the pain of death, and she had always intended to return. She had never meant to leave them for long, she had only needed to get the cure from this mysterious land. But the moment she stepped into the land, and realised that time stood still there, she hardly felt the time pass by. Whether it was a curse, or simply her selfish desires that kept her rooted to that godforsaken land, she could never decide. But it seems like Killian had made the decision for her.

Blowing out a long gust of breath, she pulled herself together, brushing the tears from her cheeks. She turned the key, pushing the door to her home open, calling out the name of the one person who could comfort her. “Evelyn?” she called into the silent house, hanging up her coat. “Darling, are you home?”

“In here,” a voice called back, coming from the direction of the kitchen. Alice walked the short distance, leaning against the entrance. “How did it go with your son, darling?” her partner asked her, not turning away from whatever she was cooking.

Alice stifled a sigh, wordlessly walking over to hug Evelyn from behind, resting her chin on the other woman’s shoulder. “Not as well as I would have liked.” 

There was a long pause before Evelyn spoke. “Did you tell him about us?”

“I never got a chance to explain myself, Evie. I’m sorry, I did want to. I wanted to tell Killian everything about us-”

“Alice,” Evelyn sighed out, turning to face her partner. “We’ve waited so long to marry because you wanted your son there. I just- I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”

“Evie…”

“I want to call you my wife. That’s the best part of being in this world, I get to  _ marry _ you. I’ve waited so long.”

“So have I, Evelyn. I told you this would not be easy; I don’t know what you want me to do.”

Evelyn stared at her hard, biting down on her lip before letting out a long breath. “I know, darling. We will figure this out.”

Alice smiled tightly at her, leaning in to capture her lips in a soft kiss. She pulled back, resting her forehead against Evelyn’s. “I love you, Evelyn. More than I could ever describe.”

“I love you, too.”

-/-

Killian sighed tiredly, staring blankly at the paperwork in front of him. It had been a week since his mother had come to his home, disrupting his life and everything he believed to be true about his childhood. It wasn’t that he hadn’t thought about finding her and allowing her to tell him her side of the story. He wasn’t ready for the version of his childhood, the only happy memories he had of it, be tarnished by his mother’s reasons. Even if she couldn’t come back because of her circumstances, the truth still remained that even when she could, she hesitated.

He squeezed his eyes shut, running his hands through his hair before getting off his chair and stretching. “I’m going to grab us some lunch, love,” he called out, Emma distractedly waving at him as she argued with Leroy on the phone, just as she had been the past hour. He rolled his eyes: that dwarf was relentless in his quest to get his parking tickets dismissed.

Killian’s thoughts were still all over the place by the time he reached Granny’s, taking his usual place at the counter, smiling as his favourite waitress walked over.

“Hello, captain,” she smiled kindly.

“Hello, Evelyn.” He grinned when she poured him some coffee without him even asking. “You know me so well.”

“You are my favourite customer. And it helps that you tip well,” she winked, making him chuckle. “The usual then?”

“Well, for Emma, yes. I’ll have some soup instead,” he replied, scrolling through his phone absentmindedly.

“Uh-oh, what happened?” Evelyn asked him. She had a feeling it had something to do with Alice’s visit, but he didn’t know about her and his mother, and there was no reason for her to know about what happened.

He looked up at her, bemused. “What do you mean?” he asked, frowning. “Everything’s fine.”

Evelyn tilted her head, eyebrows raised incredulously. “You only order soup when you have something trouble on your mind.”

Killian looked pleasantly surprised that she’d noticed that about him. Soup had always been something his mother had made him to comfort him, and ever since he was a lad, whenever he felt adrift or burdened by the world, or simply when he just needed mum-like comfort, he had soup. It made him feel like for just that moment, no matter how horrible his life was being, his mother was there with him. It had become such an unconscious thing that even now when his mother’s return was the thing causing him to feel so lost, he still turned to some symbol of her for comfort.

“I didn’t think you noticed,” he said finally, clearing his throat.

“You’re a creature of habit, deputy. Just like, er, just like someone I know,” Evelyn said, internally chiding herself for almost slipping and mentioning his mother. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked after a beat, noticing Killian’s far-off expression.

“Ah, I’m not sure where to begin. I’m sure you have much better things to do.”

“It’s almost time for my break, so lay it on me, kid.”

Killian shook his head, not able to hide his chuckle. “You’re not going to let me go until I tell you, are you?”

“I’m not going to force you, Killian. But maybe getting a third person’s point of view might help.”

He contemplated her words, brows drawn together before shrugging, seeing no harm in venting his tumultuous thoughts to a friend. “Well, alright,” he conceded. “Someone from my past, someone I never thought I’d see again...well, she’s back in my life. I’m not sure how to stop being angry with her being gone all these years and just be happy that she’s here now.”

Evelyn blew up a breath, not wishing to influence Killian, knowing that Alice might not appreciate it. But she was tired of having to hide her love, and the sooner Killian forgave his mother, the sooner Alice and her could be open about their relationship. “I think you need to forgive her. If she really means so much to you, you should forget what happened in the past and focus on the present. But I’m sure Emma already told you this.”

“Aye, she did,” he chuckled. “Speaking of my wife, I should probably get back before she starts to wonder where her lunch is.”

-/-

Emma stopped her rant about Leroy mid-sentence, noticing how her husband was hardly paying attention. “You alright there, Jones?” she called out, waving her hand in front of his face. Killian looked startled, looking apologetic at his wife.

“I’m sorry, love. My head is not here.”

“Yeah, I noticed. What’s up?”

“I was thinking of going to see my mother? Maybe talk to her, hear her out.” He seemed hesitant to even bring it up, but this was the momentum Emma needed to push her husband. Killian had always been there for her, to push her when the need arises. Now, it was her turn.

“Well, you’re in luck. Because I have her address. You should go, now.” She grabbed the note from her drawer and thrust it at him.

“But Swan, what about-”

“No, no, ‘But Swan’s. I can handle things here but you need to go and talk to your mom.” Emma crossed her arms, leaning back in her seat, daring him to argue with her. When he hesitated, staring wordlessly at the note, his jaw clenching. “C’mon, Killian...It’s time to put the past behind us. Look towards the future,” she implored, a secret smile gracing her face.

Killian looked up at her, surprised evident in his features. “You mean-”

“We never did get to finish our conversation,” she replied, tongue-in-cheek. “Now go. I’ll see you at home.”

He grinned at her, disregarding the desk between them as he pulled her in for a kiss that made her toes curl. He was almost out the door when he turned back with a bemused look on his face, asking “Wait, when you say ‘finish our conversation’, you didn’t mean that story about Leroy and his parking tickets, right? You meant that one from the other day with the-”

“Yes! Now, go,” Emma cried, shaking her head and chuckling to herself as her husband disappeared around the corner.

-/-

Alice stared at the painting in front of her, frowning at it, displeased when she heard a knock on the door. Her frustration gave way to confusion, not having expected anyone except Evelyn after the end of her shift - and she had her keys. She put her brush away, wiping her hands on her smock and taking it off before opening the door. Her eyes widened in surprise, not anticipating seeing Killian on the other side.

“Hey, mum,” he smiled, hand reaching behind his ear before he dropped it. “I thought we could finally talk?”

It took Alice a moment to react, still shocked that her son actually came to her house. “O-of course. Of course, darling. Come in,” she ushered him in, showing him to the sitting room.

“This is a nice place, mum. Cozy,” he commented, looking around curiously.

“Thank you, darling,” she smiled, sitting in a chair next to him on the couch. “Would you like some lunch? I just made some soup.”

Killian’s smile stretched wider, a part of his heart shifting into place. “I’m good, thank you. But I thought we could maybe talk?”

Alice nodded, tucking her hair behind her ears. “Where do you want me to start?”

“Anywhere. The beginning would be best. I just want answers, mum.”

“I will tell you everything, Killian. And I hope that it offers you some comfort and- and answers whatever questions you have.” She let out a deep breath, starting her tale. “Your father and I were happy once, I know. But our love wasn’t easy, we had a lot of problems and disagreements. I loved your father, I guess I just was never in love with him. Over time, our marriage just became perfunctory, mundane. We stopped caring - until I fell ill. Your father tried his best to make me better, it was never for a lack of trying. But nothing was working, and the worse I got, the more he started gambling and getting loans to manage our family and get my medicines.

“I knew him well enough to know I could never depend on him and I had to find another way. So one day, when I was feeling well enough to walk, I made Liam take me to the village seer. She gave me a key, told me it opened the doors to a better world, a world where I could get better. She told me I could come back when I got better. I really thought I was only leaving you boys for a few days, a week perhaps. I made Liam promise me not to tell anyone. I didn’t want anyone to know that I was using magic. It was forbidden, and you boys would have been punished for it. I couldn’t do that to you.”

“Wait, wait...Liam knew? He never told me...all the years we had to together, and he knew that you were alive?!” Killian cried, pushing off the couch. “How could you do that? Liam got to say goodbye, and  _ he’s known all along, too _ ?”

Alice stood up as well, laying her hand on his arm, but he shook it off, turning away from her and running his hand through his hair. “Everything I thought I knew about you, that I remember...it’s slowly unravelling. Everyone just lied to me, you’re supposed to be my family.”

Alice’s heart broke at her son’s words - and the fact that he hadn’t shouted it but said it in a soft, disappointed voice only made it worse. “Darling, I  _ never _ meant to hurt you. You have to believe that. I just wanted to get better to be there for you boys, because I knew your father was not up for it.”

“You keep saying you meant to come back, so why the bloody hell didn’t you?!” Killian shouted, whirling on her, a feeling of betrayal washing over him.

“I meant to, Killian. I really did. I was trapped there for a very long time, but I tried everything I could for a long time to get back to you boys,” she explained. “Hyde did not let me escape. He was the one who saved my life. Well, Dr. Jekyll was, but you know what I mean. He was the Warden, and I just- I tried for so long, darling, you have to believe me.”

“How long?” he challenged, arms crossed and eyebrows raised. “How long did you try? Months? Years? And then, what? You gave up?”

“It wasn’t like that, Killian. You think it was easy to accept defeat?” Alice snapped back, Killian’s accusation finally getting the best of her. “He threatened to hurt my family if I left, and yet I tried. It hurt me, and  _ yet _ I kept trying. But, after a while, I had to stop. I had to accept that I would never see you boys again.”

Killian’s stern stance relaxed as he heard Alice’s explanation. If that had not convinced him, the earnest expression on her face definitely would have. Emma had been right: he felt better having heard his mother’s side of the tale. He got closure, and maybe he was ready to move on. If what she said was true, then even after she had given up, she she had still been hurting. He could sympathise with that. And just as he was about to tell her the same, the door opened, revealing the last person he would have expected.

“Evelyn?” His brows furrowed, bemused at the waitress’ appearance at his mother’s apartment. “What are you doing here?”

Evelyn simply gaped at him, gaze shifting between the mother and son, unsure of what to say. She took in Alice’s panicked expression, understanding dawning on her. Alice still had not told Killian about them; her heart broke a little, knowing that the woman she loved still chose to hide their relationship. If Alice was not going to tell him, maybe it was time that she did. 

“I live here, Killian. This is my home,” Evelyn replied finally, standing straighter, ignoring Alice entirely. “And you know what else? Your mother and I are in love. Engaged actually.” She smiled tightly at him, her gaze fixed on his as she saw his expression shift from surprise to hurt. “I’m sure my dear fiancee had left out the part where we met in the Land of Untold Stories, and we fell in love. But we did, and now you know.” She shrugged, almost nonchalantly, but everyone in the room could sense the tension.

“Evelyn, please,” Alice began, but Killian cut her off.

“Why would you not tell me that?” he demanded.

“Because I wasn’t sure how you would take it! I didn’t want you to jump to any conclusions!” Alice reasoned, desperate to get him to understand. “No matter what, what I told you was the truth.”

Killian let out a humourless chuckle. “Oh, I’m sure it was hard to forget your family when you had someone to love you, mum,” he said, disdain dripping from his every word. “It must have been  _ so hard _ to move on and live your life-”

“It was!”

“Well, I don’t bloody care!” he shouted over her voice, anger radiating off his bones. “You never came back, and you were quite happy where you were. I don’t need to know anything else.”

“Killian, darling, no. No, I never-”

“What? Never stopped? Because you did. Never moved on?  _ Because you did. _ ” He huffed, shaking his head at her. “Both of my parents found their true loves in life, huh? Just not with each other. I guess Liam and I were just collateral damage.”

“How  _ dare _ you?” Killian turned around, surprised that it was Evelyn who spoke up. She glared at Killian, walking over to stand next to Alice. “How dare you say that to her? You have no idea what she went through, how much being away from you and your brother hurt her. It took her a long time to let go and move on. So, don’t you dare come into  _ our _ home and accuse my fiancee of being a bad mother. She is nothing like your father.”

Killian’s jaw clenched, every part of him hurt beyond reason. “She still left in the first place.”

“Oh, grow up. She did it to save herself, yes, but she did it because she thought it was the right thing for her children,” Evelyn snapped defensively.

“Evelyn, please. That’s enough,” Alice said, glancing at Killian. “You’ve heard what we have to say. I know it will take time to wrap your head around this, but I’m not going to stop trying to fix us, Killian,” she promised.

Killian stared at her wordlessly, biting his tongue from saying things he might regret. “I’ll see myself out.”

-/-

Emma knocked on her parents’ door, needing a pep-talk before her big night with Killian. And there was only one person who could calm her down. She smiled when the door opened, already starting to feel better.

“Dad,” she greeted. “Sorry I just dropped by unannounced.” He waved off her apology, hugging her tight.

“Your mom is out with Neal, if you are here to see them,” he stated, heading towards the living room.

“Actually, I’m here to see you,” she started nervously, telling him everything when he gave her a quizzical look. “Do you think the timing is wrong, considering everything that’s happening with Killian’s mom?” she asked, biting her nail. They were both in the living room, Emma playing with Wilby so she didn’t have to look at her dad.

“Honey, there will always be something or the other, but that should never mean you stop living. Killian will be happy about this,” David assured her, reaching over to squeeze her shoulder, making her look at him.

“Do you think we’re ready though?”

“Emma, you guys are already parents to Henry. You’re just expanding. Any kid of yours will be so lucky because they will have the best parents, who will be there for them through everything, love them and teach them how to be a hero just like their parents.” He grinned, adding, “Not to mention, they will have a really fun grandpa.”

Emma scoffed, shaking her head but not denying her dad. “Sure, Dad. You’re the fun grandpa compared to  _ Gold _ . Alright, now that we got that conversation out of the way, I’m going to grab one of Mom’s frozen casseroles for dinner.”

David scowled after her, looking down at the puppy. “I’m fun, right?” he asked him, scratching him behind the ears and earning him a friendly bark from Wilby. “That’s right. You’re my favourite kid.”

“Hey! I heard that,” Emma called from the kitchen, making him chuckle.

-/-

Killian sat on the railing of the Jolly, his legs dangling from the side as he kept his gaze trained on the setting sun. He knew he had to get back home to Emma, he knew what was waiting for him. The moment he goes home, she would kiss him, and they’d have dinner. And then they’d talk about their future, about children.

Just a day ago - hell, just hours ago, if she had asked him, he would have said yes to starting a family with her without hesitating. But these past weeks have been a whirlwind, with learning that his mother was alive, and to now knowing that she forgot about her children and found her happiness. No matter how much he told himself he was being selfish, the part of him that had held on to fond memories of Alice Jones felt beyond betrayed. It hurt knowing that she left, that Liam knew and got to say goodbye. It hurt that the world conspired against them and she couldn’t come back to him and Liam. It  _ hurt _ knowing that both his parents found new families, and that after Liam, he was left alone. How could he possibly think he was ready to start a family, after the kind of parents he had? One who sold him and Liam for his freedom and another who was able to accept that she would never see her children and  _ moved on _ . Is that the kind of parent he would be? If so, how could bringing a child into his life be the right thing?

It was hours later, much after the sun had set and his flask ran out of rum, that he made his way home. He immediately noticed the candlelights in the front room, his wife walking down the stairs just as he looked up.

“Hey, sailor,” she greeted softly, brushing the front of her dress and she walked the rest of the way down quickly, standing in front of him.

“Emma,” he breathed out, his heart in his throat as he took her in. She was clad in a beautiful red dress, her hair in soft waves as they tumbled down her shoulders, the soft glow of the candles making her appear more radiant than usual. He felt his lips twist into a smile of their own accord, his hand reaching for her waist, pulling her closer. “You look beautiful, darling,” he whispered against her lips, softly kissing her.

Emma hummed against him, pushing on his chest lightly, parting from him. He was almost tempted to chase after her, but he held back, looking into her green eyes, seeing the excitement shining through. “I was thinking we could have a quiet night in,” she whispered, biting her lip and looking up at him through her lashes.

Killian brushed the back of his hand against her cheek, feeling the warmth and smiled. “That sounds marvelous, darling.” She grinned in return, turning away from him. He stood at the threshold of their home for just a moment longer, revelling in it, knowing that it would shatter any second.

-/-

“I was hoping we could continue an old discussion,” Emma began halfway through their meal, reaching for her wine glass. “About our future.”

Killian placed his own glass back on the table, clearing his throat, hoping to stop her before she began. “Swan, before that-”

“No, Killian, wait. I just want to say this before we get interrupted again. I’ve waited too long and I just, I want to get it over with, okay?” she asked, reaching over the table for his hand. He squeezed back, nodding for her to continue. “Alright, I’m not going to beat around the bush. We’ve been married for a while now, and there haven’t been any monsters or anything for all these years to ruin our lives. And as much as I love our life and our family, with Henry gone, this house feels empty in so many ways. I brought it up before, and I’m pretty sure if we hadn’t been interrupted, you would have agreed.” Taking a deep breath, she finished. “I want to have kids. I want our family to grow, Killian.”

Killian felt his heart constrict in his chest, every part of him hating that he would be the reason to take away Emma’s happiness. “Emma…”

“I mean, can you imagine it? A little girl with my hair and your eyes, or a little boy who looks exactly like you? We get to watch him or her grow up, be there for every step of it this time. We-” she cut herself off when she noticed how pained Killian looked. “What is it?” she asked warily, squeezing his hand.

“Emma, I- I don’t know how to-” he stuttered out, unable to find the words to express himself. He could not bring himself to say the words that he knew would cause her pain.

“Don’t know how to what?” she asked, pulling her hands from his. “Are you-are you saying you don’t want this?” There was a tremble to her voice already, and he hadn’t even said the words yet.

Killian swallowed thickly against the lump in his throat. “Aye,” he breathed out finally, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.

“O-okay. Are you saying that now isn’t a good time, because of the thing with your mom? Because it’s not like we will have a baby right away. I mean, it would be at least another year - I’m sure things with you and Alice will be better by then. Why-why aren’t you saying anything? Say something!”

Killian got up from his chair, moving to kneel next to Emma’s, taking her hand in his. “I love you, isn’t that enough?” he implored, begging her with his eyes.

“I love you, too, but that’s not what we- Why are you asking me this?” She pulled her hand away, getting up from her seat, her back to him. She gripped her kitchen counter, needing something to steady her through whatever storm this conversation was heading toward. “Are you honest-to-God telling me you don’t want us to have children... _ ever _ ?!” she snapped, still facing away from him. 

“Can you just try and understand, love? I just - Emma, would you look at me?”

“I don’t want to look at you right now,” she whispered. “Because I want to hear you out, I do. And I can’t do that when I’m looking at you. I can’t try and be rational and look at your face right now, so just - just tell me why you’re doing this.”

His heart broke with every word from her, but if this is what she was going to give him, he’s going to take it. “I want to give you everything you want, love. This goes against everything I am, but I am just not ready to be a parent. I don’t think I will ever be.”

“But why? I thought - You seemed happy when I brought it up the other day! What could have possibly changed in a few days?” Emma asked, turning around, her hands still gripping the counter as she struggled to hold back her angry tears.

As much as Killian wanted to go to her, take her in his arms and agree and make her happy, he couldn’t do that. It would not be right for him to agree to starting a family, not until he was sure he would be different from his own parents. His brows furrowed as he tried his best to keep his own tears at bay. “I don’t see that in my future anymore. Both my parents left me for their own selfish reasons, and Liam, as much as he tried to do right by me, he still hid so much from me, which only ended up hurting me more. All I’ve had are bad examples of parents. Hell, I even let Pan take Baelfire just because the lad would not stay with me. What kind of a father would I be, after all of that?”

“Why do you constantly focus only on the bad parts of your past?” Emma whispered brokenly, her own heart breaking for her husband. “Why do you keep doing this to yourself? You are a good parent to Henry. You are  _ so _ good with my little brother. Why do you not see that?”

“Because I was never responsible for them, do you not see that?!” Killian snapped, his jaw clenching hard. His outburst startled Emma, her speechlessness allowing him to continue. “Henry already had two mums, and he was a grown lad. And Neal is not my child. I do fine with him because all I need to do is entertain him for a few hours. I can’t do that if we are to have a child,” he explained, hoping she would understand and drop it. But this was Emma Swan, so of course she would not.

“So what you’re really saying is,” she began on a shaky breath. “is that you can’t  _ commit _ to me?”

“That is  _ not _ what I’m saying. We are married, bound together forever. How much more committed do you want us to be, Emma?” he argued. “Why do we need to have children for me to show my commitment? Why aren’t I  _ enough _ ?” His voice broke at the last word.

“You are!” Emma could not handle the distance between them anymore, at least the physical one, and rushed forward to hug him, resting her chin on his shoulder. The part of her that felt off-kilter through the whole conversation finally settled back in place the moment his arms wrapped around her. “You’re enough.”

“Then can you accept my decision?” he asked, holding her tighter. “Can you be happy with just us?”

She pulled back, her hands framing his face delicately, thumbs brushing his cheeks. “Baby, I’ve always been happy with us.”

“Why do I sense that there is more then?” he asked cautiously.

Her chin wobbled as she smiled tightly at him. “I want a baby, Killian. I have for a while.”

“Emma, you have no idea how much it hurts me to deny you this,” he whispered, his eyes gazing deeply into hers, hoping he could implore her to understand him.

“I do. I just can’t change my mind about this so quickly.” She pulled away from him, feeling a heavy weight on her chest as his arms fell at his side.

“I guess we are at an impasse then,” he said quietly, unable to meet her eyes.

“I guess we are.”

-/-

Emma laid in bed, blinking up at the ceiling, just as she had been doing for the past hour. In the five years since she and Killian got married, no matter what, they always went to bed together. No matter how much they fought or how angry they were at each other - it was always resolved by bedtime.

Last night had been the first night that they didn’t; instead Killian slept in Henry’s old room while she took to their bedroom. Everything that had happened since last night had just made her feel unbelievably unsettled, like everything in her life had been moved just a bit. Enough for her to notice, enough to throw her off balance. Enough to keep her awake all night, ignoring the sudden chill she felt with her husband’s absence.

She let out a long breath, rubbing her eyes tiredly. If she was not going to get any more sleep, she might as well get up and get started on the day. She pulled herself off the bed, marching across the hall and knocking on Henry’s old bedroom door. Grumbling when all she heard were muffled curses, she barged through the door, settling next to the lump that was her husband, dragging the covers away.

“Killian,” she whispered softly, her tone the opposite of her aggressive actions a while ago. “Wake up.”

“‘Tis Saturday,” he mumbled, grabbing for the covers blindly. “I get to lie in.”

“Can you wake up please?”

He kept quiet for a moment before shifting on his back and opening his eyes, squinting at her. “What’s wrong, Swan?” he asked, rubbing at his eyes.

Instead of answering him, she simply grabbed his cheeks, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “We already slept alone. I’m not okay with starting my day without you either,” she said quietly, pressing her forehead to his.

Killian huffed out a laugh, his hand reaching up to tangle in his tresses. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Are we okay?” he asked, almost afraid to hear her answer.

She hesitated before replying with a soft, “No, we are not.” But before his heart could break any further, she continued. “But I want to be.”

“Good. I want to be, too.”

“Can you tell me what happened yesterday, then? What made you change your mind?” she asked, sitting up and pulling him along with her. “Because if I - if I have to be okay with this, I need to know why.”

He swallowed thickly, hating how quickly the atmosphere changed between them. “Aye. Anything you need to know.”

-/-

Alice had not been able to sleep a wink last night, having spent the whole while sitting at the bay window in her and Evelyn’s bedroom, reading all her old journals. And that was what Evelyn woke up to: her beautiful fiancee perched in the small space, her knees pulled up and eyeglasses sliding down her nose, the early morning sun making her almost luminescent.

“Morning,” she said in greeting, startling Alice and making her chuckle.

Alice blinked at Evelyn, almost as if she had been woken from a daze. “I did not notice you waking up, love. I’m sorry.”

“I just woke up, so it’s alright. Did you get any sleep at all?” Evelyn asked, getting up and stretching.

“Not really. I was just reading about all the adventures we’ve had,” she said, gesturing to the book in her hand. “Reminiscing, I guess.” 

“For simpler times?” Evelyn teased, sitting opposite Alice.

“In some ways, I guess they were.”

“What’s on your mind, Alice?” Evelyn was concerned, noticing the far of look on her face.

Alice brushed the hair away from her face, staring outside the window again. “As much as I know about Killian from being in this town, I don’t really know anything important. Yesterday, when he mentioned Brennan having found someone else, I had no idea what he was talking about. In fact, I don’t even know what happened with my Liam. How can I possibly expect Killian to understand and forgive me if I have no idea what he has been through?”

“You can get to know him now, Alice. You can be there for him  _ now _ ,” Evelyn assured her, rubbing Alice’s arms comfortingly.

“I don’t think he would want to talk to me anytime soon, Evie.”

“You cannot stop trying, not when you both are finally in the same place and you have plenty of time. You’re his mum. He doesn’t want to talk to you? Tough luck, he has to, because you are family. Even when he doesn’t want to be.”

-/-

“Your mom’s dating Evelyn?” Emma asked, wide-eyed in surprise.

“Well, technically, they are engaged,” Killian corrected, lounging back on the bed. “What do I do, Swan?”

Emma shifted, sitting cross legged and opposite Killian, taking his hands in hers. “Honestly? I think you were already ready to forgive her before you found out about Evelyn. So, why don’t you just do that? Just forgive her and get to know who she is now, let her get to know you. Build your relationship from the ground up, if that’s what it takes. She’s your  _ mom _ , Killian. You can’t push her out forever.”

“I’m just not sure if I can, love,” he confessed softly, looking down at their entwined hands. “I don’t know why I can’t.”

Emma sighed deeply, not knowing how he is going to take her suggestion. “I think you need to go see Archie. For you, and for us.”

His head snapped up, brows furrowed and jaw clenched. “For us? What do you mean for us?”

“I’m never going to stop wanting kids. It took me so long to accept it, but now that I have, I can’t think of life otherwise. It may be selfish of me, but if the only thing that’s stopping us from having children is because you have this twisted thinking in your head that you’re somehow going to be a bad father, you need to talk about it and - and -”

“- and what?  _ Fix  _ myself? Is that what you want to say?” he snapped, snatching his hand from hers.

“It’s not a bad thing!” Emma argued. “You clearly have a lot of resentment towards your own parents, and if that’s stopping you from being happy, don’t you think you owe it to yourself to do something about it?”

He stared hard at his wife, not knowing if he should feel hurt or amazed by her right now. Finally, he asked, “I go, and I still don’t want us to have a child after that: will you accept it then?”

Emma bit her bottom lip, not able to believe that he was making her do this. “Fine,” she said, even while every part of her heart hoped that he would change his mind. 

-/-

It took Killian two weeks of going to Archie before he could bring himself to approach his mother again. It took a lot of persuasion from his wife as well before he stopped talking about approaching and actually doing. Only this time, he wasn’t alone. Because no matter what was happening between him and Emma, she was his strength, and she was there when he needed her. That’s how they’d always been, and nothing would ever change that.

“Babe, we’ve been standing outside their apartment for a while. Do you want me to knock?” she whispered, unable to handle his twitching any long. When he didn’t respond, she rolled her eyes, reaching to knock on the door, ignoring his whispered protests. “Shut up, we already told Evelyn we would be coming,” she retaliated. “Just try and be cool,  _ god _ .”

“You know, that’s just offensive, that you think I’m not ‘cool’, as you put it,” he huffed indignantly.

“You didn’t even know what it meant five years ago,” she argued, challenging him to reply.

The door opened just then, saving him from coming up with a better response. “Emma, Killian! Hello!” Alice greeted, her grin wide and welcoming. “I’m so glad you reached out.”

Emma smiled, dragging Killian with her, allowing him to take her jacket from her. “I just wanted to do anything to bring our family together,” Emma smiled, turning back to Killian. “Isn’t that right?”

He sighed, pushing his hair away from his forehead. “Aye. Anything to get our family together,” he replied through clenched teeth.

Alice fidgeted nervously with the ring on her finger, before gesturing to the couch for Emma and Killian to take. “Evelyn is running a bit late,” she said when no one spoke for a while.

Killian resisted the urge to sigh again, shifting uncomfortably. “Is there-  is there anything you want to know?” he asked, glancing at his mother before quickly looking away.

“Uh,” Alice hesitated, locking eyes with Emma, who smiled and nodded encouragingly, her hands entwined with Killian. “What happened to Liam?” she asked finally. She had never expected to find her children when she had first come to Storybrooke. It  _ had _ been more than 200 years since she left, surely they would have lived and passed by then. But when she had first seen Killian, looking almost exactly like Brennan did, she had hoped that both her children were still alive. Of course, that was asking too much, and the more she’d learnt about her son through the town’s people, the more gaps she had to fill. But she had to know what happened to her other son, before she could ask anything else.

Killian sucked in a sharp breath at her question, finally looking up and meeting her eyes. “He, uh, he died a long time ago. We worked for a wretched king, only we hadn’t known that then. And when we were sent on a mission to find a plant that was claimed to be medicinal, Liam scratched himself with it. It turned out to be poison, and he - he didn’t make it.”

Alice felt tears well in her eyes, the knowledge that her eldest died such a painful death hurting more than she thought it would. She thought the fact that he wasn’t around, and that it has been over 200 years, would make hearing about his death a little bit easier, but it hurt more than she could have imagined possible. More than when she had to say goodbye to Liam, more than accepting she’d never see her children again. She buried her face in her hands, trying to hold back her tears. She felt someone move next to her, sliding their arm over her shoulder and rubbing her arm comfortingly.

“I’m so sorry, mum,” she heard Killian say, his voice soft and soothing. “I should have stopped him, I should have done something.”

Alice sniffled, managing to reign in her tears and turning back to her son. “Darling, you did nothing wrong. I remember how stubborn Liam was. I’m sure it only grew with time.” She frowned, as if suddenly remembering something. “How did Brennan take it?” she asked. “I know you said he found someone else, but Liam-he was still his son.”

Killian glanced at Emma, the pain evident in his eyes. She reached for him, her hand grabbing his hook. “Mum, I don’t know if I should-”

“Killian, what is it? What happened to Brennan?” Alice demanded, sitting up straighter, Killian’s arm falling away in the process.

He sighed, knowing that he couldn’t refuse her her answers. And so he told her everything, from Brennan leaving them in the middle of the night and selling them to Captain Silver, to Liam and him joining the royal navy, from his piracy days to Milah and losing his hand, to his revenge and Neverland. To meeting Emma and how she saved him, body, mind and soul. He told her it all, not stopping even when Evelyn joined them. 

For her part, Alice didn’t interrupt him. Her expression remained impassive, her eyes hard and lips pursed. When he got to the part when he had decided to sacrifice himself to save everyone from the Dark Ones, he hesitated, knowing that Emma hated talking about that time.

“Love, I - I don’t have to tell her about it.”

Emma swallowed thickly, not knowing how Alice would take the fact that Emma had turned her son into the Dark One and then proceeded to kill him, sending him to the Underworld. Liam hadn’t exactly been her biggest fan when he had found out. She couldn’t keep her composure if Alice hated her. But Alice deserved to know everything, especially about the woman her son married. She would want the same, if it was Henry.

“What is it, darling?” Alice asked, looking first at Killian, and then when he didn’t answer her, at Emma. “Emma?” she prompted.

Emma cleared her throat, looking down at her hands as she began. “I was briefly the Dark One, and we went in search of a sorcerer, Merlin, to help me rid of the darkness once and for all. And Killian - he got injured by Excalibur, and any wound caused by that sword cannot be healed. So I - I turned him into the Dark One too. And he - he sacrificed his life to save us all from the darkness taking over. I - I had to,” she sucked in a sharp breath, forcing herself to meet Alice in the eyes when she said the next part. “I had to be the one to do it.”

“Swan,” Killian whispered softly, wanting to ask her to stop. 

But Alice cut her off, her voice breaking. “I’m so sorry you had to go through something like that, dear,” she said, reaching over to envelop Emma in a comforting embrace. Emma stared at Killian in shock, not expecting Alice to hug her. “I don’t know how you did it, but you must really love Killian if you managed to bring him back from the dead. And I cannot be more grateful for that. Thank you,” Alice said softly.

Emma sniffled, hugging Alice tighter. “Thank you, Alice,” she replied, her eyes never leaving Killian’s. “I love your son with everything I am.” She saw as Killian’s expression shifted into something much softer, ears growing red when he noticed Evelyn’s grinning face observing the pair.

Alice pulled back after a while, wiping under her eyes and chuckling. “This has been quite a day, hasn’t it. How about some soup? I made your favorite, Killian,” she added, smiling at her son. “You missed it the last time.”

Killian exchanged a secret smile with Evelyn before agreeing. And somehow, while not everything was alright, he felt, for the first time, the kind of contentment he hadn’t in a long, long while.

-/-

Of course, just because Killian and Alice were on better terms didn’t mean everything was suddenly fixed. While his marriage was far from troubled, he and Emma were still working through his issues with having children. During the first few sessions, their bickering got so bad that Emma stormed out, almost in tears, and he had to spent the rest of the night trying to get on her good side. But over a period of three months, they were slowly getting better, Archie’s suggestion that Killian and Emma come for two different session helping matters greatly.

But the thing that helped him the most, at the end of the day, was all the time he had started to spend with his mother. The first month was spent catching each other up on everything the other had missed. While Killian had told her briefly about everything, they still had over 200 years of adventures and experiences to catch up on. While Emma had been right about them re-building their relationship, there was still quite a bit he remembered from when he was younger. It took them both a while, but in three months, they were finally at a place where he felt comfortable discussing his marriage with her, which was something he had restricted to David, and Belle, while she had still been in Storybrooke.

“Mum, can I ask you something?” he asked one day when he met her for lunch.

“Of course, darling. What is it?” she asked, looking up from the papers she had been grading. To say he had been surprised to find out that she was teaching at the same school Mary Margaret worked at would be putting it lightly. He had met his mother-in-law for lunch frequently enough the past few years to have easily run into Alice.

“I-I don’t know if I should be talking about this, I’m not sure if Emma would be alright with me discussing our marriage, but I can’t exactly go to David about it and-”

“Killian, whatever it is, you can tell me. You clearly want to talk about it, and if talking to Archie didn’t help, maybe I could.”

“When did you and father decide to start having children?” he blurted out, the tips of his ears flushing when Alice’s eyes widened in surprise. He rushed to explain himself before she jumped to the wrong conclusion. “What I mean is, uh,” he cleared his throat, deciding to just get it over with. “Emma wants us to start trying, and I just, I’m not ready to be a father. I’m not sure I ever want children.”

Alice nodded in understanding, her expression turning from shock to sympathy. “That’s perfectly normal, Killian. Everyone is afraid to take that step. Neither me nor your father were the best examples of parents, so I don’t blame you for being apprehensive.”

“That’s not what I meant, mum,” he retaliated, wanting to reassure her. Whatever anger and resentment he held towards Alice had slowly but steadily diminished over these few months, especially when he saw how happy she was with Evelyn.

“I know, I know. But, Killian...The only one holding you back from getting to that stage is you.”

“I know that. I’m just not sure how to, how to stay out of my own way, I guess.”

“You just need to ask yourself if the reason you don’t want to have children is because you think you won’t be a good parent because of your past. Or is it because you can’t see yourself tied down that way? Because when I found out I was going to have a child, both times, all I felt was happiness. I knew that no matter what, I would never regret having my children because they would be the best parts of me. Because I always knew they would be more than I was, better than I was. If you think you would regret having a child, for even one second, you’re doing the right thing. But if you think, just because of who you were in the past, that you wouldn’t be a good father...Well, son, then you’re a bloody idiot.”

He chuckled at the last bit, scratching behind his ear. “I would never regret any child Emma and I might have,” he admitted quietly. “But I don’t know if I’m ready just yet.”

“That’s alright, darling. You have the rest of your lives ahead of you. Take some time to just be with each other.”

-/-

On the other side of town, Emma was meeting her own mother, under the pretense of wanting to see her little brother. Of course, Mary Margaret wasn’t as easily fooled as her daughter might have thought.

“Alright, what’s on your mind?” she asked, leaning on the kitchen counter to watch Emma help Neal colour in his dinosaur.

Emma feigned nonchalance, shrugging as she continued to colour in the tail. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Memma, you’re colouring outside the lines,” Neal complained, interrupting whatever her mother was about to say, snatching the marker from her hands.

“It’s only a little bit out the line,” Emma argued, crossing her arms. “Sometimes you can be really-”

“Don’t,” Mary Margaret cut in before Emma could finish her sentence. “You make him cry again, I will not hear the end of it for the rest of the day.”

Emma huffed, getting up from the floor and settling down on one of the chairs at the counter. “You know that’s how older siblings are, right?”

“You realise you’re 35, right?” Mary Margaret replied, crossing her arms smugly when Emma looked put out. “So, really. What made you want to spend time with the ‘little terror’ as you so fondly call your little brother?”

Emma let out a long breath, folding her arms on the counter and burying her face in them. “I don’t know what to do, mom,” she groaned.

“About what, honey?”

“You know how Killian and I have been at odds on the whole baby thing, and how he is still against us having a baby?” she began, her voice muffled by her arms.

“Yes, I do. And sit up, honey,” Mary Margaret added, making Emma comply, even while rolling her eyes.

“I thought things were getting better, now that we’re seeing Archie, and he’s on better terms with his mom and everything. But we talked about it just the other day and he still was so reluctant.”

“Emma, things like this take time. He will come around soon enough. Have faith,” her mother reassured her, smiling gently.

“Well, he might have to come around to the idea sooner rather than later,” Emma said softly, her eyes trained on the counter and not her mother’s intuitive gaze.

Mary Margaret gasped, eyes going wide. “Oh, my God. Emma, you don’t mean what I think you mean, do you?”

Emma hesitated, biting her lip as she felt the back of her eyes burning. “Mom, I’m pregnant,” Emma admitted. “I don’t know what to do, and I’m really scared,” she said in a rush, finally looking up. Her anxiety was as clear as day.

“Honey, you don’t have to be scared. Killian will understand.” Mary Margaret paused, lowering her voice a bit. “But I thought you guys were being careful.”

“We were,” Emma whispered back, pressing her hand to her forehead in frustration. “I don’t want him to think I did this on purpose, to trap him into having a kid.”

“Of course he wouldn’t think that, Emma,” her mother reassured her, coming around the counter and hugging her daughter, Emma’s head resting on her shoulder. “Oh, honey, you’re shaking.”

“I don’t want things to get worse,” Emma said, her voice trembling. “I’m so tired of all this, mom. I was almost ready to give in to Killian, and wait as long as he wanted to. Even if it meant we were never going to have children, I was going to -” she cut herself off, pressing her hand to her eyes. “This is the absolute worst timing.”

“Oh, honey. Killian will be happy, I promise.”

“You can’t promise that, mom. You didn’t hear him tell me over and over how much he doesn’t want children. He will not be happy about this, I can tell you that much.” Emma fought against the tears threatening to spill over.

“Emma, he isn’t going to get mad at you for this. He will be happy, and he will be  there for every step of the way,” her mother tried to assuage her fears, but Emma shook her head, drawing away from her embrace.

“I know he will be. I know he will never leave me. But - I thought the next time I had a kid, it would be because both of us were ready and you know, actually  _ wanted _ to have a kid.”

“Emma, he is going to be on board. I promise.”

“But you  _ can’t _ promise that, mom!” Emma cried. “You don’t know how he is right now, not like I do. He is very much against the idea of us having children, so much so that I can’t really anticipate his response. I mean, yeah, he will do the ‘right thing’ because that’s who he is, but I didn’t want it to be this way, and he just -” She choked on a sob. “For the first time since we got married, I have no idea what’s going on in my husband’s head. And with me being pregnant, it’s so much more scarier than I would have thought.”

-/-

Killian had gone to the Jolly, spending some time with his old girl and trying to work through his tumultuous thoughts. After his conversation with his mother - and his admission to being open to the possibility of children in the future, he was now unsure about how to bring it up with Emma. While he was certain she would be happy that he was finally agreeing to this, he wasn’t sure if he should tell her just yet.

What if he changed his mind later? He couldn’t put her through that, give her hope only to change his mind later and hurt her, again. He had to be sure about it before he chose to tell her. It was the right thing to do. With his mind made up, he made his way back home, surprised when he saw the porch light off. He knew Emma had to be home by now, and she always left the lights on until they went to bed. He walked up the steps, cautiously opening the front door.

He noticed the crackling fire before he did his wife, buried as she was under a large blanket, staring unseeingly at the flames. Worry suddenly filled his chest, as he stepped into the living room as quietly as he could, so as to not startle her.

“Swan?” he called softly, coming to stand beside the arm of the couch.

She turned wordlessly toward him, her expression unreadable and stare blank. He hesitated for just a moment before sitting next to her, his hand right next to hers. When she didn’t react, his concern grew a hundred-fold. “Sweetheart?”

Emma’s resolve broke when he said that, because he so rarely used ‘sweetheart.’ She knows that when he  _ does _ , he is extremely concerned and is trying to hide it. Her mouth turned downward, chin trembling and eyes filling rapidly with tears that she tried to blink away. Killian looked startled, immediately reaching for her cheek. “Emma, love, what happened? Why are you crying?”

She shook her head, refusing to tell him, refusing to even look as his worry escalated. She turned away from him, wiping uselessly at her wet cheeks. Her tears showed no signs of stopping. She tried to fight him when he pulled on her shoulder, but he was stronger than her - and if she was being honest, she needed him. Even when he was the last person she wanted to talk about this, she needed him to make her feel better.

She relented finally, turning and burying her face in his neck, letting out the sob she had been trying to force down all this while, her chest heaving as she cried. “Love, you’re scaring me,” Killian said, drawing her closer still and rubbing his hand up and down her back. “Please tell me what’s wrong. Tell me how I can help.”

“I - I’m scared,” she stuttered out between sobs, his heart wrenching to hear her cry. He’s only seen her this devastated once, when she had to leave him back in the Underworld. And he felt beyond helpless, not knowing what was causing her so much pain.

“Scared about what, darling?” When she refused to respond, only clutching his biceps tighter, he shushed her, talking in soothing tones. “Alright, alright. It’s going to be alright, my love. I’m right here, okay?”

Emma let out a shuddering breath, her voice still thick with tears. “Just hold me,” she whispered, broken and raspy.

“Aye. Anything,” he promised, pressing kisses to her forehead comfortingly. “I’m here if you want to talk about whatever is bothering you, Emma.”

“I don’t. I just, I just -” She could hardly talk, breath stuttering and eyes blinking wetly, her tears already having created a patch on his shirt. “I feel so lost right now,” she admitted when she finally managed to catch her breath.

Killian felt a lump form in his own throat, knowing at some level it was because of him that she was in this state. “Aye, I know the feeling.” He grabbed blindly for her hand, sitting her up so that she was facing him, her tear-stained eyes making him feel like he took a punch to his gut - breathless and uneasy. Pushing his own pain aside, he pressed her palm to his chest, his heartbeat steady underneath it. “As lost as you feel, I am always here to guide you home.”

Emma tilted her head to one side, her face crumbling at his words. He gathered her in his arms, hand cupping the back of her head, as she started sobbing again. 

“I love you so much, darling. I’m so sorry.” Emma shook her head, trying to protest, but he continued talking. “I hate that I hurt you so much.” He pulled back, cupping her cheek in his palm, his thumb wiping at her tears. “Please, just talk to me.”

Emma pushed away from him leaning against the headrest, her face buried in her hands. “Killian, please, just drop it. I - Think of it as a momentary lapse.” 

Killian’s brows furrowed, unable to understand why his wife went from sobbing in his arms a minute ago to shutting him out. “Emma, if something made you cry that much, I think I ought to know about it. Maybe I can help.”

“You can’t,” Emma snapped, instantly regretting her tone when she saw Killian’s face fall. Taking a deep breath, she tried again, in a softer tone. “It’s just, a lot is happening right now and I just want us to go back to how we were. I don’t like this sudden distance between us, Killian. It’s not a great feeling.”

“Emma, I’m sorry -”

“And stop apologising! Why are you apologising for wanting something different than I do? That’s not fair to you, or to me. Because we both just end up feeling guilty and I don’t want that. Do you?”

He sighed heavily, leaning on the opposite side of the couch. “No, I don’t either.”

“Alright,” Emma nodded. “Let me ask you this, for the last time. Whatever you answer is, I will accept it and we won’t keep talking about it. Agreed?”

He stared at her for a long time, knowing exactly what it was she was going to ask. And for the first time, he was not dreading this conversation because he knew exactly what he was going to say to her. “Aye, agreed,” he said, a small smile gracing his features.

“Do you or do you not want to have children?”

He pulled himself forward, hand reaching for her cheek and eyes never leaving hers. He answered her with no hesitation or doubt, with the complete assurance that it was the right thing. “Emma Swan, I would love to have children with you,” he whispered, swallowing her gasp with a kiss.

Emma felt fresh tears spring in her eyes, this time of joy, her grin stretching wide as she pressed her lips more firmly against his. She pulled back, still smiling toothily, her hands cradling his head. “You’re sure?”

“Aye, Swan. I am.” He nodded, his own chuckle watery as he basked in the glow of Emma’s smile. “Maybe we could start trying in a year or two, yeah?” He expected her to agree, to smile and hug him and be overjoyed. He didn’t, however, expect her to look crestfallen as the words slipped out.

“Wait - You want to wait for another year or two?” she asked, pulling away completely and getting off the couch.

“I - Well, yes. I do. I know that we are alright now, but there’s a lot happening, right now, don’t you think? With my mum being back, and Liam and Nemo’s imminent arrival.”

“So what? That doesn’t mean we need to put our lives on hold!” Emma argued, starting to pace back and forth.

Killian stood up as well, bewildered at his wife’s demeanor. “Emma, I thought you would be happy about this. I thought you said you were willing to wait for as long as I needed.”

“I said that when you said you weren’t ready to have children. But you are now!”

“Aye, but I would still like to get to know my mum better. Help her adapt to having Liam around. She doesn’t even know about him.”

Emma stepped forward, grasping at his forearms. “I love that you want to look out for your mom and make sure she’s alright. But we can’t put our lives on hold, Killian.”

“I’m not asking you to, Swan.”

“So, what? You don’t want kids for the next two years?” she asked, stepping away from him. “You wouldn’t be alright with that? Is that what you’re saying?”

“No, I am not! You’re misinterpreting everything I say, Emma. That’s unfair.” He glared at her, jaw clenching hard.

Emma sighed, her shoulders slumping tiredly. She fell back on the couch, massaging her temples. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I don’t want to rush you.”

Killian sat down next to her, pulling her to his chest, fingers tangling in her hair. “Swan, what’s going on? Really?”

“It’s noth-”

“Don’t say ‘nothing,’ Swan,” he growled lowly. “Just tell me.”

Emma remained quiet for so long, Killian convinced himself that she had resolved to not tell him. But she had never failed to surprise him.

“I’m pregnant,” she whispered out into the room. His breath caught in his throat and his arms went slack around her, her words registering and playing over and over again in his head.

“You’re what?”

“Pregnant,” Emma repeated, looking up at him nervously. “Killian, I -”

“You’re with child?” he confirmed, cutting off whatever she was about to say. He shifted the both of them so they sat facing each other again. “ _ Swan _ ,” he pressed when she didn’t answer.

“Yes, I am,” she whispered, staring down at her crossed legs. “Look, I don’t want you to think that I did this on purpose, alright? Or to trap you into having a kid with me. I was as surprised as you are, buddy.”

Killian blinked at her, taken aback by her words. Was that what she thought he would say? Had his behaviour been so abhorrent that his wife was under the impression that he would  _ ever _ think that? He had to rectify it then, make up for all his faults. “That thought did not even cross my mind, Emma,” he said softly. “I don’t have the words to tell you how wonderful this news is.”

His words caught her off guard, her head snapping up and eyes widening. “You’re not mad?” she asked breathlessly. “What about all the things you just said?”

“Emma, everything I said is still true - except the part where I want to wait. Ideally, I would have liked that. But thinking of having a child, and the reality of it...they are two very different things,” he explained, the back of his eyes burning with impending tears.

“Are you sure? Because you can’t say all this now and regret it. I can’t -”

“You don’t have to. Alright, Swan? You don’t have to even think it, because I am on board. Fully. I know that it’s hard to believe, but I’ve been wanting this for far longer than I was willing to admit. I was just afraid to try now because I wasn’t sure you would think I was being genuine about it. But, Gods -” He chuckled, beaming at her. “We are going to have a child! I am so  _ happy _ , I swear.”

Emma finally allowed her smile to slip through, throwing her arms around him and tackling him to his back. “I love you,” she whispered, pressing frantic kisses anywhere she could reach. She sat up, pulling him up with her and she settled on his lap. “I’m terrified, though,” she admitted, biting her lip and smiling still.

“Oh, indeed. My heart is racing, just thinking about being a father. But my happiness is unparalleled,” he assured her. “You will be an amazing mum, darling.” He bumped his nose against hers, eyes closed.

Emma hummed, pressing herself closer to him. “You will be a great dad, baby.”

They stayed locked together for a moment, but Killian was the first to pull away, looking bashful. “I regret how I made you feel, Emma. I made you afraid to share such happy news with me, and my behaviour was reprehensible. Could you ever forgive me?”

Emma smiled, brushing the back of her hand against his cheek. “There’s nothing to forgive. I’m just glad you know, and that you’re happy.”

“I am so impossibly happy. I’m glad we’re alright, too. Almost.”

“Hey, no marriage is perfect,” Emma shrugged.. “Just because we have True Love doesn’t mean we won’t have disagreements and struggles. That’s just how a marriage works. I like us the way we are, drama or not.”

“I couldn’t have said it better myself, darling.” He smiled at her, a warm feeling settling in his chest and radiating through every part of him. “Although no drama for a while sounds good.”

“Eh, we didn’t exactly like the domestic life,” she joked, settling back against him. “This is nice though,” she sighed, closing her eyes, suddenly feeling extremely tired.

As Killian watched his wife drift off, he was finally able to recognise the sudden warmth that filled him - contentment. For so long, he had drifted through life, so focused on his revenge and cared for nothing else. But from the moment, Emma Swan walked into his life, he changed in ways he couldn’t even begin to imagine. She made him the best version of himself, a better man. If that was anything to go by, any child that was half Emma could only be a blessing. He was afraid to admit that for so long, but now that he has, and now that she told him of this wonderful news...everything felt just right. The world has tilted back in its place and all was well.

Well, not entirely. He still had to tell his mum that she was going to be a grandmother. Perhaps, Snow could tell her of the joys of being a 30-year-old grandmother to her fully grown child.

**Author's Note:**

> Big shoutout to the CSLB mods for organising this thing! 
> 
> @accio-ambition my OG beta! If only you could edit my life the way you do fic.
> 
> ALSO CHECK OUT @captainswanandclintasha on tumblr you guys. She made two image sets AND the banner and is simply the best. It was amazing working with her ♥


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